A friend of mine once asked me my opinion on the biggest difference between “naturals”-aka guys who just seem to effortlessly “get it”- and high-level pick-up artists who’ve needed to build their skill from scratch.
My answer? There isn’t one. At least not one that you’d be able to spot just by seeing them in action.
The real distinction between them lies not in their external behaviors but rather their internal dispositions.
Naturals usually have a strong, deeply rooted belief that they are inherently attractive. From a young age, this belief guides their interactions with girls and allows them to learn the rules of seduction on an implicit level. This lets them intuitively recognize unattractive behavior, much the same way a native speaker can often tell when an English sentence is grammatically incorrect, even when they don’t know which specific grammar rules have been broken
I highly recommend doing the inner work needed to instill this belief in yourself (which is something I cover in my private coaching program). However, beliefs are like tables in that they need legs to stand on. Internalizing the idea that you’re an attractive man is hard to do without gaining reference experiences that support it. For that reason, I also recommend learning the language of seduction.
To that end, here are four Pick-Up Artist techniques that naturals use instinctively, and that you too can use in your interactions with women:
- Baiting her curiosity
Curiosity is a very powerful thing. It hijacks the reward circuits in our brains, motivating us to try to fill in the gaps in the information we’re given. When it comes girls, baiting their curiosity is one of the best ways to engage them and make them want to invest more in the conversation.
One of the best ways to trigger curiosity is to imply that there’s something behind what you ARE saying that you’re NOT saying. Imagine if you said to a girl:
“You look like an intriguing combination of cute and crazy”
She’d most likely start thinking Why does he think I look crazy? What does he mean by that? What about me is making him think that? In general, if you make any kind of assumptions about a girl, chances are she’s going to be curious as to what gave you that impression of her.
You can also bait a girl’s curiosity right before escalating the interaction. For example, right before you give her a non-platonic compliment you can ask her:
“Can I be honest with you about something?”
She’ll likely say yes. This makes verbal escalation smoother because you’re building up to it and she’s also ASKING you to say whatever it is you have on your mind.
Push-pull is one of the oldest techniques in the book, and for good reason. It’s one of the cornerstones of flirting. The beauty behind push-pull is that you’re expressing interest while still playing hard to get at the same time. Look at the following sentence:
“We’d make such a good couple, if only you were my type”
It establishes the possibility of a romantic relationship while disqualifying it at the same time. That’s push-pull in a nutshell.
It’s a GREAT way to establish a man-to-woman dynamic without coming off as too desperate or needy. A push-pull can be verbal, physical or both.
For example, you can tell a girl “You’re too innocent for me” (push) while hugging her at the same time (pull).
Qualifying a girl essentially means getting her to prove herself to you. When done properly, it sets up a frame in which YOU are the prize.
This is effective because girls WANT to feel like they need to win you over. Having to chase someone is much more emotionally stimulating than having someone throw themselves at you. Also, if a girl has to work to get you, then when she finally does, it’s going to feel like a WIN for her.
That’s because you’re conveying that you’re choosy (meaning you’re desired by other women, and therefore a high value guy), but also that she’s earned your time and attention because she’s special.
Guys who are naturally good with girls qualify them automatically because they’re coming from a place of abundance. Physical beauty doesn’t impress them because they know they can hook up with hot girls whenever they want. They are genuinely interested in whether a girl has the qualities they’re looking for – and willing to walk away if she doesn’t.
- Rewarding compliance
This one sounds obvious but it’s also very overlooked.
The idea is simple: reward the kind of behavior you want; don’t reward the kind of behavior you don’t want.
Rewards can be either verbal (e.g., “I’m glad you said that”) or physical (e.g., holding her closer)
There are also different levels of compliance. Walking up to a woman and asking her to come home with you requires a high level of compliance; asking her to introduce herself requires a lot less. It’s important to start off with smaller hoops before gradually getting her to jump through larger ones.
The key thing to remember is that the reward should always be proportional to the amount of compliance given. So, if she’s initially giving you one-word answers, but then starts to invest into the conversation a little, that would warrant a small reward. On the flip-side, if she ditches all her friends to spend more time with you, then you should reward her with something much more valuable, such as opening up to her about something that you don’t usually tell other people.
Do Pick-Up Artist Techniques Really Work?
I’m sure some of you may have heard that pick-up artist techniques don’t work and that it’s better to just “be yourself”.
While there’s some truth to that, many of these techniques are simply training wheels meant to help you practice communicating the way naturally attractive men do.
Once you gain mastery of your dating life many of these techniques will come naturally to you.
Guys who are truly good with women don’t need to memorize push-pull pick-up lines, they do it spontaneously because they enjoy flirting.
Nor do they need to remind themselves to reward compliance. Think about it; a non-needy guy is instinctively going to reward only the women who show investment in him, and who meet his criteria.
At the same time, these guys are also 100% themselves. They’re all fluent in the language of seduction yet they each speak it in a way that is authentic to them.
So, at the end of the day, yes these techniques work but they’re much more effective when they come from a genuine place. However, they also serve to guide you on your path towards reaching that place.
So, there you have it. Four Pick-Up Artist techniques that differentiate the guys who crush it with women from those who don’t.
If you want to learn how to master these techniques and much more then feel free to book a consultation call with me here. If you have any questions, then you can contact me here and someone from my team will get back to you shortly