What exactly is “pick-up artist game”? And how is it different from the way a “normal” confident guy might go out and try to meet women?
After studying the methods of the PUA community for over 5 years now, I’ve come to the conclusion that it all boils down to one thing: structure.
A pick-up artist’s interactions are almost always structured in some shape or form. They have a roadmap in their head telling them where they are in the conversation and what steps they should take to move the interaction forward.
Compare this with most guys, who pretty much just tend to wing it. A lot of the times they just throw shit at the wall to see what sticks. If it goes well, then they ask for her number. If it doesn’t, they move on to the next girl. Simple right?
Unfortunately, this often results in long conversations that go absolutely nowhere, because these guys don’t have a solid template for HOW to lead it somewhere.
That’s not to say that all pick-up artists use scripted lines (although some do). Many of them are simply masters at steering conversations in ways that allow them to spark attraction and even bring girls home.
They’re not really reading off of a script so much as they are referring to mental bullet points.
Every PUA has their own template of course, but they’re all based on the same core principles.
The point of this article is to provide you with a pick-up artist game walkthrough. The goal here is to help you get inside the head of a PUA so you can begin to structure your interactions with women in order to take full control of your dating life once and for all.
Over here at UpLevel Dating, we run bootcamps dedicated to helping you master all these steps.
Many guys think the opener doesn’t matter. The reality is that the way you open a girl shapes her first impression of you. And as anyone who has studied social psychology will be able to tell you, first impressions have a huge impact on the way you’re perceived hours, days and even WEEKS later.
The point of an opener is two-fold:
- To engage the girl in conversation
- To set the right tone for the interaction
In terms of eliciting engagement, it’s generally best to use openers that are personally relevant to the girl.
Cold reads (guessing something about her) are a great way to do this because they also arouse curiosity. A good cold read will often have girls thinking what about me made him think that?? The more you can arouse a girl’s curiosity, the more likely it is that she’ll want to talk to you.
When it comes to setting the right tone, you want your opener to be emotionally charged in some way. Walking up to a girl and asking for directions is a completely neutral opener that lacks emotional flavor.
It sets a very platonic tone which isn’t going to be very conducive towards building sexual tension.
So then what kind of vibe should you be aiming for with your opener? It depends on your style of flirting. You should play around with this and see what kind of openers feel most congruent to you.
It’s important to mention here that your body language and vocal tonality (aka the way you deliver your opener) have a HUGE impact on her perception of you but those are outside the scope of this article
A DHV stands for a Demonstration of Higher Value. It basically means conveying to the girl that you’re a worthy sexual or romantic partner.
An example of a DHV would be sharing something cool about yourself. If you want to bait her curiosity first, then you would hint at the DHV without immediately telling her what it is. This is an effective approach because it encourages her to invest more in the conversation.
“But there’s nothing cool about me”
For most of you that’s bullshit. There are aspects of your life that are cool enough already, you just don’t know how to describe them properly.
I used to work in a psychology lab as a research assistant. There’s nothing particularly attractive or high status about that. But I described it in a way that made it sound cool. I would tell chicks that my job was to run experiments on girls just like them to find out their “inner good girl to bad bitch ratio” (my lab studied empathy).
If you really don’t have anything going on in your life at all, then maybe it’s time to reassess your priorities.
However, DHVs go beyond sharing facts about yourself. You can also demonstrate high value through the way you communicate.
If you know how to flirt effectively, then that’s a DHV in and of itself. Guys who use teasing, push-pull, witty banter, and roleplay in their interactions with women are guys who “get it”. Communicating this way automatically gives you a certain amount of social value in a girl’s eyes.
If flirting is something you still have trouble with and you’re looking for guidance, then you can book a free consultation call with me here
Beyond simple flirting, one of the most powerful ways you can demonstrate value is by conveying yourself as the prize.
Ideally you want to be doing this throughout the entire interaction. Which means consistently framing her as the one chasing and escalating on you while letting her know that she’s going to need to play by your rules to win you over.
Seeding the Close
Let’s say you’re hitting it off with a girl and all of a sudden out of nowhere you tell her that you want to bring her back to your place so you can “show her the view”.
It’s not very subtle. You’re essentially asking the girl to decide right then and there if she wants to have sex with you.
Even if she’s attracted to you, you’re still putting a lot of pressure on her all at once. After all, she doesn’t know what the vibe is going to be at your place.
More than that, girls simply don’t operate that way. Most of them want to feel as if the sex “just happened”. They want it to feel spontaneous. There’s also the fact that a lot of girls want to avoid coming off as too easy. That’s why if you ask a girl outright if she wants to have sex with you, she may say no even if she is secretly open to the idea.
Seeding the close essentially means bringing up that amazing view from your balcony (or whatever else) well before the close. That way when you do eventually invite her over to come check it out for herself, it comes across as more legitimate and less out of the blue.
You’re allowing her to agree to coming over to your place without feeling as if she is committing to anything, which will make her much more comfortable with the idea.
What about if you’re not trying to bring her home that night and instead all you want is to get her number so you can arrange a date for another day?
In that case, you want to seed the future date. For example, if you’re planning on taking her out for drinks, then you can steer the topic of conversation towards what her favorite drink is. From there you can talk about this place you like to go to nearby that has an amazing atmosphere and great drinks.
Later, when you want to get her number instead of just asking for it you can invite her out to get a drink with you at that venue! After she says yes, exchanging numbers is just a formality.
This works really well because you avoid having to set up the date over text and she’s also less likely to flake on you since she’s already verbally committed to see you again.
I already touched upon this topic in another article so I’m just going to take what I wrote there and put it here:
Qualifying a girl essentially means getting her to prove herself to you. When done properly, it sets up a frame in which YOU are the prize.
This is effective because girls WANT to feel like they need to win you over. Having to chase someone is much more emotionally stimulating than having someone throw themselves at you. Also, if a girl has to work to get you, then when she finally does, it’s going to feel like a WIN for her.
That’s because you’re conveying that you have standards (meaning you’re desired by other women, and therefore a high value guy), but also that she’s earned your time and attention because she’s special.
Guys who are naturally good with girls qualify them automatically because they’re coming from a place of abundance. Physical beauty doesn’t impress them because they know they can hook up with hot girls whenever they want. They are genuinely interested in whether a girl has the qualities they’re looking for – and willing to walk away if she doesn’t.
The number one thing that you should remember about closing is it’s all about confidence. You should already ASSUME that the girl wants to exchange numbers or go home with you. After all, you know she’s attracted and having a great time with you.
Girls want a man who can take charge and LEAD her to where she wants to go.
Notice the difference between a guy asking a girl if she wants to give him her number and another saying “here let’s exchange numbers” while simultaneously pulling out his phone and handing it to her.
Which one of those guys sounds more sure of himself?
Likewise, instead of asking a girl if she wants to come over to your place you can just say something along the lines of “actually you know what, I want to introduce you to my pet rock” while beginning to physically lead her back to yours
One other thing I will say is that in my experience it’s usually best to close right after a girl passes one of your qualifying tests.
It lets her know that she’s had to EARN the right to get your number or to go home with you.
The point of this article is not to try to turn you into a PUA. I’m simply trying to shine a light on the utility of models such as this one when it comes to maximizing your success with women.
Should you choose to apply some of this to your own game, it’s important to remember to use common sense. If you’re too rigid in your adherence to ANY system, then you risk coming off as socially uncalibrated.
Human socialization is spontaneous and fluid, so it’s important to be flexible. Knowing WHEN to say something can often be more powerful than knowing what to say in the first place.