How to Pick Up Older Women

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If you’re a younger guy, then you might be under the impression that your age severely limits your options with women. Speaking as someone who used to go clubbing at 17, I know firsthand how frustrating it can be approaching older women only to be laughed at and called a baby.

The simple truth is that no matter what anyone else might tell you, your age has an impact on her perception of you as a potential sexual or romantic partner. Women have a near universal preference for older men. 

Part of this stems from evolutionary biology; older men have always tended to have more status and power compared to their younger counterparts. Back in the day, the extra resources and protection an older man might’ve been able to provide were huge in terms of ensuring the survival of a woman’s children.

So, does that mean that you’re flat out of luck if you happen to be a younger guy who wants to pick up older women?

Not at all. So how can you go about picking up older women then?

Where Can I Pick Up Older Women?

First things first, in order to pick up older women you need to find them. Unfortunately, you’re going to have to get a little more creative than hitting the club every weekend since clubs tend to attract a younger demographic. On the flip side, here are a couple of great places that you can meet older women:

  • Yoga classes
  • Bars (especially those with a reputation for drawing cougars)
  • Coffee shops
  • Parks
  • Cruises
  • Jogging trails
  • Restaurants with live music
  • Wine festivals

How Do You Start a Conversation with An Older Woman?

The same way you start a conversation with any other woman. One great way to do it is by commenting on something that she’s wearing: “That’s an awesome hat you got there, it suits you”

Another way you can get the conversation going is by making an assumption about her. For example, as she sits down at the bar you could say “Let me guess, you’re drinking vodka tonight”. 

Finally, you can ask for her input on something: “I can’t decide if I like this music or not, what do you think?”

How Do I Attract Older Women?

When you’re attempting to pick up older women, you’re going to encounter the “age objection” quite a lot. So how should you deal with it? This is where the topic of “reframing” comes into play

In this context, “reframing” essentially means shifting her underlying beliefs and attitudes in a way that is going to help her see you as a viable sexual candidate. Besides evolutionary biology, there are actually some very good reasons for women to prefer older guys. 

After all, younger guys tend to be:

  • Less dominant 
  • Inexperienced
  • Immature
  • Bad in bed
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How older women see younger guys

Obviously, this isn’t always the case. But like it or not, these are the kinds of traits that women instinctually associate with younger guys. 

So then how exactly should you go about reframing the age objection?

Well first you need to help her consciously understand what the core of her objection really is. Age is an objective fact about yourself which you can’t change. Maturity is a more subjective character trait that you can cultivate and demonstrate. 

Therefore, you need to shift her objection from “I don’t date/sleep with younger guys” to “I don’t date/sleep with guys who have the kinds of characteristics that younger guys tend to have”.

One way you can accomplish this is by simply asking her if she isn’t into younger guys just because of their age, or if it’s really because they’re immature and inexperienced. The majority of women will say that it’s because of their attributes and not their age per se.

From here, you want to empathize and agree with her but from a man’s perspective. To illustrate, you could say something along the lines of:

“I know exactly what you mean. That’s what I don’t like about younger girls, so many of them are just so immature it makes my head hurt sometimes. Also, to be honest, a lot of them don’t really know what they’re doing in bed”

This accomplishes two things. First, it’s a way of communicating to her that you are NOT like these other immature and inexperienced young people. Second, it creates a “we” frame, in which she and you are connected through your mutual maturity alongside your shared distaste for the immaturity of others.

Of course, you must also actively demonstrate to her that you have the qualities she is looking for, which other young guys don’t possess. 

 For example, you can use storytelling to convey that you have a great deal of life experience. You can display dominance through the way you confidently lead the interaction forward. You can even subcommunicate that you are a good sexual partner through the way you sexually escalate on her as well as the way you talk about sex. 

Above all else, it’s important to remain grounded and non-reactive, much like an older man. The best way to do this is to realize that even though she’s a full-grown woman, at the end of the day she’s still a girl at heart. When you start to see her that way, you’ll forget that there’s any difference in age between the two of you at all and act accordingly. Consequently, she’s more likely to “forget” the age gap as well (provided that you avoid saying anything that might remind her).

how to pick up older women
Every woman is a girl at heart


As a side note, you don’t have to wait until the age objection is brought up before you can begin to re-frame it. If there is an obvious age difference between the two of you, then you might want to bring up the age gap yourself before she has a chance to use it to disqualify you.

For example, you could ask her how old she is, and then tell her:

“That’s awesome, I love older women. I find that a lot of younger girls are kind of inexperienced and immature which turns me off. Don’t get me wrong though not all of them are like that, I’ve met some girls that were way more mature than their age and they were really cool.”

The idea here, is that you’re drawing a distinction between age and maturity, and pre-framing the idea that it’s the maturity that counts. You’re also reinforcing the fact that even though most young people tend to be immature, not all of them are like that (wink wink, nudge nudge).